What. A. Day.

Today has been terrible. I seriously think I'm going to cry right now.

I woke up to some very stressful e-mails and ended up dealing with them all day. My day wasn't great at that point, but it could have been better. Then I was happy for my best friend just being there. She's amazing. And THEN...

Ha. I don't even know where to start. I've had a theory about one of my friends for awhile now, but they keep insisting I'm wrong and I have nothing to worry about. However, today I have proof: they don't want to spend time with me. Honestly, I don't think they ever have, because they never invite me over to hang out or play tennis or just walk or something, and whenever I try to do something with them, either they "can't" or won't or don't spend much time with me.

Honestly, it hurts. I care about them a lot and I've already had to change the ways I act around them because of their reactions. This doesn't help.

Guess I won't even ask next time...

Solution

Okay.

*gasps for breath*

I have come to a decision on the layout problem. I have a few that I've found that I like a lot, but I want to know all of your opinions. I will post links in this post so you can preview all the choices, then I'll have a poll where you can vote on your top TWO choices. No more than two, and I'll use the highest voted.

1. Summer Reminiscences

Preview

I'm still trying to figure out the comment problem, so you can vote for this one but realize if I can't fix it I won't use it!

2. Beyond Words

Preview

3. She Angel

Preview

4. Until a Brighter Day

Preview

5. Resistance

Preview

6. Summer Love

Preview

I would only use this one through the summer, and then probably change to the second highest vote, if this one wins.


You could also vote for my current one, but I'm not sure if I'll put it up, even if it wins.

I hope this solves everything. Sorry for spamming my posts! I didn't think I'd have so many issues. :/

Commenting

Okay, so I realize you can't comment at the moment. I AM TRYING TO FIX IT. If I can't figure it out and the creator can't help me, I have a back-up layout ready that *hopefully* you can all comment on. Sorry!

NEW LAYOUT!!!

So since the poll decided to have a new layout anyway, I decided to find a summer themed layout. I LOVE this one! It's hard to navigate, but I hope you can figure out the tags. I have no idea what to put on the Chitchat/Tags board yet, maybe I'll post my other sites for you guys. We'll see. But if you know of a friend that I have and I didn't post their blog, let me know! Or make one yourself ;)

Yikes...

What a rollercoaster I've been on the past few days.

So the same night that my dad disowned me, he re-added on FB and talking to me, provided I post nothing mean about him on FB. As far as I know, it has been a LONG time since I last posted about him on there, but whatever. So we're talking again, woohoo. I still wish he would go back to being normal, before his temper spouts and before the divorce. Guess that won't be happening anytime soon.

Yesterday was pretty good. I got to go driving with my grandpa in the morning (I almost hit a deer!) for an hour or so and then hung out with Cassie and we watched Tinkerbell 2 and made Mac & Cheese :) Later I went to DQ and talked about my dad more. It really helped because it reminded me that no matter what he does, he's still my dad and I can't change that. Then I went to Corban's concert which was fun, but gave me a headache and I was so tired I was giggling non-stop. THAT was scary :P

TODAY.... ugh. My headache turned into a massive migraine so that I skipped my brother's karate testing to sleep, ended up crying from the pain, and finally faded (not completely gone, even now) within a few hours. I decided as much as I really really wanted to go to Minnie's party and have Will over (stupid curse) I needed to rest up and go to church tomorrow. So I stayed home alone for awhile until my brother got home, and now we're just playing video games. I *think* I will be okay for church tomorrow, but I probably won't know for sure until 8 or so.

Gosh, what an end to a week.

Disowned

I never thought I would say this, but I have officially been disowned by my father.

Wow.... this hurts more than I thought it would. If only he knew how I felt.

One part of me is relieved: I don't have to deal with his endless ranting, cussing at me, and saying things that make no sense.

The other part of me feels like my childhood was a waste: Being a "daddy's girl" and believing everything he said when now I only feel an empty void and nothing but pain and hurt.

I don't know how I feel.

Poll

I posted a poll on here, so if everyone could vote on it, it'll be up until the 1st. And I mean EVERYONE, even those who read them in e-mails and don't comment. *cough Cameron Tyler cough* :)

Books, books, books!

I am an avid reader, as basically everyone knows. I spend most of my spare time (when I'm not on the computer or playing video games) reading whatever book I am currently on. Lately I've been slacking, and I have a LONG list of books that I actually own and have yet to read. Some from almost six months ago!

I have been reading Amber's blog, and she reads a lot as well. That is a GOOD thing, because it's getting me back into reading :) I copied a widget off of her blog, the Shelfari Bookshelf widget. (I hope you don't mind!) Mine is slightly different than hers, because it shows the book I'm currently reading, plan to read, and have already read. I have way more to add, but I'm hoping to dwindle the list a little before I do that. Feel free to ask how I'm doing on my reading list :P I need to encouragement!

All I seem to do is hurt people.

Gosh, I'm a terrible friend/girlfriend/daughter.

Maybe I should become a hermit.

The future.....

Sorry for posting so much lately, but I've been doing a lot of thinking.

Watching her get voted off tonight when she did so well this week.... It made me realize that circumstances can change in a heart beat.

My future...... I don't have it all planned out. I know what I want to do, but I don't know if it;s what I'm supposed to do or where God is leading me. I have an idea, but is it what He wants?

What college am I going to? People keep asking me that, and I don't know. I have my three choices, and I have my grad school picked out, but I don't have the money to afford college, and no job to support myself with.

Then there's all relationships of every kind..... Will they remain they way they are? Will they worsen? Get better? Will everything work out, or should it end now?

I don't like not knowing what's gonna come. The future scares me, and it scares me a lot. Only now am I beginning to realize just how much I need to pray and lean on God. I'm grateful for my friends; without them I don't know where I'd be and I'm sure I'd have no faith in God.

The other day my brother told me for the first time that he was gonna miss me when I left. I almost cried. I love him so much, and it's hard only seeing him every other week. I don't know how we're gonna survive the distance.

I could write so much more on my fears and concerns regarding the future and where it'll take me, but I need to get to bed soon, and I doubt you want to read another novel by me.

It would be so nice to just stop time....

Peace!

Do you ever get that overwhelming sense that you're finally doing something right? Well I finally have, and I would like to title it peace.

For those who don't already know, I finally think I've settled on a career field: I want to be a school librarian. I would do my Grad degree in Library Science but because there is no Undergrad degree for it, I'm not sure what I'll do for my major yet. I'm leaning towards Computer and Information Science, but we'll see. I e-mailed a few different people in that career field to ask them what they thought was a good plan.

I think I will be volunteering at the public library here in Dallas :) I'm super stoked for it, and it might even lead to a paid internship! I also hope to volunteer a little at DHS's library, but I don't know if I can do that yet.

I am so grateful for friends who keep pushing me to look for my strengths and helping me to find where I should go. It is so relieving to finally have a plan, even if it's only a partial one! Thank you all for your prayers :)

Bestie birthday :D

So Leanne's b-day is in an hour and 26 minutes! Not that I'm counting :) I wrote a novel of a wall post that is all typed up, I just need to hit post at midnight. I'm so excited! It's funny ^^

So I command all of you to wish her a happy birthday! Be gone!

Progress

So I talked to her today. We got everything figured out - I think. It's not that I don't believe her, but I'm just kind of been putting up defenses and keeping people at a distance lately, and not just her.

Still trying to figure out my two decisions will be. Talking with a few people tomorrow... Hopefully all will be decided soon :)

What to do...

I have decided I just can't talk to her anymore. She doesn't want me around, she doesn't care about my felings, and everything she does makes me cry. I just can't deal with it anymore. As much as I hate to lose her....

I don't know what else to do.