Empty Nest

Oh man....

My mom is upsetting me a little.

My entire life, she has been the stable parent. She is not emotional in anyway, while my dad is. I get my emotions from him. I have only seen my mom cry a handful of times, and mostly at funerals.

I expected me going off to college to be easy on both of my parents. My dad doesn't see me often, so i don't think it'll be too tough on him. And my mom is so independent I figured she'd be okay.

Apparently I was wrong. My mom is taking this harder than I thought. She basically said that before, when my parents were married, she wasn't expecting the "empty nest" until after Carter went to college. However now, when Carter's gone half of the time and I'm the only other person here, it's different. My mom and I have gotten a lot closer this past year, so being an hour away will be a stretch, for both of us.

I'm not really sure what to say to her about it, or how to help her. Lately I've been trying to be careful what I say about it, because I don't want her feeling sad. Any suggestions, readers?

Swirling thoughts...

I have a couple of things to blog about. Let's start with the positive things, shall we?



I am officially a book reviewer! I figured I'd fill up my summer with books, and BookSneeze is my first one. I'll let you know when I start reading their books!

And now on to the not positive things...

Last night was a disaster. People were stressing out and in turn it stresses me out. Other peoples' moods directly affect me. I know it was all a big misunderstanding, but now another friend is upset and is basically not speaking to us. That hurts, because I specifically chose neither side! Not that I don't care for both of them, but I didn't want to get caught in the middle. Well, I guess we all did.

P.S. Nicki, I am happy for you. Please don't take this wrong.

The only bright spot in my day was seeing a friend! :) And I have a new Tinkerbell pin. I hope Thursday works out!

I got rather thoughtful last night, because of a conversation with Leanne. I'm worried about friendships... A bunch of them. We've all changed so much, which is not a bad thing but it's hard when I'm adjusting to the changes. I'm afraid that when I go off to college I'll change even more and lose those friendships. i really am excited for college, and I'm ready! But deep down there is a part of me that says I've always been a failure, so why would this be any different?

I hope I don't lose any more friends....

Trust

I admit it takes a lot for me to trust anyone. I've been hurt so much by others, who's to say the next person won't be the same? Thankfully, my current friends are very trustworthy and I'm very close to fully trusting most of them. There are still setbacks, but that's to be expected.

I also figured that I'm not the most trustworthy person. However, I do hope that my closest friends can bear with me.

But now... I'm questioning that trust. It's funny how simple comments and conversations can cause you to question everything. I may not be 100% trustworthy... But I'm close, right?

So why now? I should be worrying about the final I'm heading for, not if my best friends trust me.

I hope I'm not wrong... I hope I can be trusted.

Happy!

I'm feeling pretty content with life right now :)

I worked on George Fox stuff this afternoon, and boy am I excited! I want to go NOW! I know this is where God wants me heading and I am ready to move on with life and see what's in store for me. :) So why do I have to WAIT? *sigh* I suppose it means I also need to work on patience. ;)

I spent an hour or so looking at random peoples' blogs, and found a few I decided to follow and am really looking forward to reading more of! I love reading other peoples' blogs :)

Life is pretty much great right now :) Last final is tomorrow (got rescheduled... lame), going to GFU soon, and I'm starting to fix some issues in life. I'm feeling pretty happy right now!

I love life :)

Beanies!

So for our spanish final, we had a fiesta. I made up a new recipe for it that came to me out of no where. I thought you guys would like the recipe so here it is:

Beanies:

scoop Tostitos chips
refried beans
shredded cheese (I used cheddar, but you could probably use any)

The steps are simple: I filled the scoops up with the beans, put them on a sheet pan, topped them with the cheese and baked them. I kind of guessed on that part, but I preheated it to 350 and had them in there for about 5 or so minutes and then bumped it up to 450 because I was on a time crunch. Basically bake them until the cheese is melted and the beans are cooked.



Don't they look yummy? :) I'm planning to make them for Tyler's party on Saturday, so be sure and try them :)

Are you kidding me??

I'm so mad right now, I could cry. I already did twice.

I'm trying REALLY hard not to let comments get to me. After all, jokes are jokes and comments are comments. But to say something like that, and defend them when two other people (at least) agree with me? And if I was in the same situation, I'd be the one people were getting mad at. It's not okay, so WHY get mad at me for making an observation about how much it affects everyone?

I'm not sure if I'm more hurt or mad right now. I just want to cry.

Becoming a princess?

"In order to love someone, you must first love yourself..."

This quote keeps running through my head today. I finished Just Do Something this morning, and now I'm finishing up the last chapter of Lady in Waiting. (Yes, I didn't read it!) It's the one titled: Lady of Patience. This one is good for me because I have a habit of not waiting on God or His timing. Anyways, on to the point of my blog.

So that quote is a great one, and very true. I'm sure some people reading this are wondering why I don't love myself and may even think I do. Well I don't hate myself... okay maybe I do every once in awhile. but I don't consistently HATE myself. I just don't see my worth or value. But this poses a big problem. How can I love or care about anyone else, if I can't even give myself the same respect? It explains most of the problems with my friends and other relationships. One of my friends doesn't like dealing with my emotions and my problems all the time, which affects me because I need my friends. However if I focused on this quote more, I wouldn't need to lean on my friends so much.

A part in the Patience chapter talked about how God prepares us into princesses before we can meet our prince. I know I am still not the princess I need to be, but I have a hard time admitting my faults. I'm hoping that by focusing on my faith more I can start becoming who I should be. However I don't think I can ever become real "princess" material, no matter how hard I try.

On top of trying to fix myself, I get very distracted by crushes. Especially ones who everyone thinks likes me. Trying to just sound like a friend is tough.

Well... I guess I'll stop here. I can't really think of anything else to say.