Casting Crowns - Always Enough

This song pretty much hit home tonight.



I went home this past weekend for my birthday, which is tomorrow. My party went pretty well for the most part but I was just stressed the whole time. I was also reminded how much I dislike going home. I love seeing people, but I hate being at home. I'd much rather stay at school and have people come to me. I just don't feel completely comfortable at home anymore. So by Saturday night I was ready to come back. Thankfully we were heading back right after church the next day, so I got back much earlier than we normally do. It was nice being back, but I was exhausted to the point that I was having trouble forming coherent sentences and couldn't even just mess around on FB without nodding off. I got a quick nap in, but it ended up messing up my vision in one eye, so I have about 3/4 vision between my eyes right now. Because of that, I have a headache. And then... I got an e-mail from my CS professor. Now CS is my major, but this semester has been kicking my butt because I've been having issues writing up the programs. The Java itself is fine, but the programs just don't make sense to me. So I have not been doing well... but he sent me an e-mail today and said he wants me to re-do last weeks programs. He also said that he was leaving my assignment at his office so that I wouldn't be embarrassed if anyone else saw my grade. I seriously freaked.... because I have a solid C right now and if one assignment can drop it to where he's worried I know I bombed it. I'm stressing out, which is bad because tomorrow I want to be in a good mood since it is my actual birthday.

So yeahhh. Keep me in your prayers? :/

Perfect

This song has been running through my head lately.

I never feel like I am perfect, I am always the loser. The one in everyone else's shadow. The one who can't do anything right. I always try to please others, but never live up to their expectation, which makes me feel worse.

This is going to be a long weekend.

NOTE: I apologize for the song title, but there is no language in the actual song.

Angry rant to follow.

WARNING: This post will contain a very angry rant about how my day has gone and how my school does not contain a bunch of heathens.

SERIOUSLY???? I feel like punching out a freaking window right now, I am so MAD! My day did not start great, because I slept through my alarm and was almost late to my class. Then roomie found out someone in her family is not doing well and she took it pretty hard. She is normally the emotionally sane one, which helps keep me sane. Having her upset is throwing me for a loop. Then I got laughed at in ethics for stating my opinion (which basically was that I didn't care either way, but hey I was honest) which just made me feel worse. I then proceeded to have a fabulously PEACHY fight with one of my best friends about how my school gets out two weeks earlier than hers even though we're on the same schedule. Which then proceeded to me getting sick of everyone attacking MY school because MY school is a bunch of heathens and MY school lets in non-Christians YET they have the same curriculum and the teachers have to align themselves with the school's statement of faith before they are hired.

Do you understand why I'm upset here?? I'm sick of having to defend MY school against my two best friends because THEIR schools are FABULOUS all the time. I'm not saying they aren't, but HELLO!!! I go to a Christian school too and we are just fine!!! It just makes me SO mad that no one even ASKS me once in awhile what Fox is like, when frankly I would spend hours telling them all about it! This school has so much to offer, but no one cares. I'm tired of it.

Now I have to spend my time pretending through a floor meeting that I'm just peachy and nothing is wrong. Roomie might have noticed, but chose not to ask. Which is probably a good thing, because I probably would have gone into a shouting rant at her.

Why can't my Sunday brunch with Ang come sooner??? She's the one person I can rely on 24/7 and who accepts me who I am. And ironically, I haven't even told her about my past. Maybe Sunday. But that's another post.

WHW - Books and reading!

It's funny.... I was in a major reading slump earlier this week. Now all I want to do is read! So this week's We Heart Wednesday is for books and reading :)

I love these last two the best :D If you want to link up, click the button at the top and join in!
 

Why...

You know those days where you feel like the whole world is against you?

Today is one of those days.

I went home this weekend partially because I'm babysitting my step-sister tonight and partially because I wanted to surprise my friends. My best friend was also coming down this weekend, so it was a double surprise, basically. We happened to be coming home on a square dancing weekend, so we got to go. It was the first time in almost a year we have had the whole group there (minus Nicki...) and it was so much fun. Today I was so happy to be here I started crying in church. Now I'm crying for the complete opposite reason. We're trying to figure out plans to hang out but nothing is working and I get a feeling I'm not being told the whole story, which kind of hurts. I feel like I'm trustworthy, I mean I've kept secrets for friends before, so why can't I be trusted? Honestly, I feel like I should have just stayed home all day.

I wish things would stay the same....

---

Well. Now I wish I didn't ask, because I just feel worse.

---

Okay, so I guess I'm okay now. I just have a lot bothering me right now and this was just the thing that set my emotions off.

I probably won't be blogging much on this blog this week, but I'm sure a few posts will go up on my private blog.

Random Acts of Kindness

This is a new meme hosted byBook Soulmates! To read all the details go here. Basically you sign up some months with your wishlist, and someone gets you something from it. Other months you get something for someone else. This month I signed up as a receiver, and next month I'll hopefully be a giver :) I'll let you know what I get!

WHW: I Heart Sleep....

Yes that's right, I Heart Sleep. I haven't been sleeping well lately due to my throat freaking out and just when I was starting to sleep all night again, we have a fire alarm last night (no fire, don't worry) but the smoke smell hurt my throat and has me coughing now. So I want sleep.

I want a hammock....

Yep that sums it up. Join the others in WHW by going to Brie Marie's blog!

Sick sick sick...

Well this weekend has not gone well... *sigh*

Yesterday one of my friends was teasing me and went to run off with my Nintendo DS. Well it was plugged in... and when she pulled it too far it smashed into a chair and the hinge broke. It was already cracked so I'm not too surprised it broke... but still. I bought it myself, and those things aren't exactly cheap. Anyways, I'm buying another one off of eBay. I can afford it and my current one is already 3 years old so I figure it's okay to get a new one.

On top of that, I am officially sick. This is a big deal because I rarely get sick and when I do, it is HORRIBLE. I can't even begin to tell you how much my body attacks me when it's sick. I've managed to get over most of the congestion and body aches, but my throat is not healing. I'm so tired of having to force food down because I can barely swallow anything that's NOT hot. I've drank all of my apple cider packets, so now I'm working through my hot chocolate ones. Hopefully I can get rid of this before Wednesday... because I have my first speech in comm class. >.< Eeep! I am So. NERVOUSSSSS. Words cannot describe O.O

The one nice thing about being sick this particular weekend is my roommate is gone on her staff retreat so I have the room to myself. Which effectively means I get to take over her bed without feeling guilty :) Believe me, napping is so much nicer on her cushy mattress than mine!

Basically I just want to get over this sore throat. Honestly, I can deal with the runny/stuffy nose and sneezing, but not the throat issues. Mehhh.

Anyone else dealing with sickness?