Worth

These past few days, I have seriously been questioning my worth. Not just as a person, but as a friend as well.

All I ever do is stuff that's wrong or doesn't turn out right. I break or ruin a lot of stuff. I've tried to break the "I'm worthless" thoughts, but when they're ingrained in your head from childhood, they don't go away. They only hide for a little while.

And then there's friends... I'm losing trust with friends over things that I've promised time and again is not an issue. (And I do everything possible not to break a promise.) I have friends that don't even want to hang out with me anymore. I know we don't normally, but every once in awhile would be nice, and they don't want to at all. Along with that, I always feel like a shadow, and that I'm not seen for myself. It's frustrating. And I'm always afraid of losing friends... That's my biggest fear. You don't know what it's like to lose a friend until it happens. It hurts more than you expect it to, and the hurt never goes away. Ever.

I'm sure you all think I'm a psycho, overdramic person by this point. That's fine, whatever. I just don't see my worth anymore.