My best friend left today. : ( For Washington D.C and New York. It's only a week, and I know she needs to go have fun, but I miss her already. I keep thinking that something big will happen between my parents and I won't have her to talk to. Plus Father's Day is coming up and I'm worried about that as well. I just everything to run smoothly for once. I know that I need to get used to her being gone, because once September comes I can't just wait a week to see her. If I'm lucky, we really will get to do our once a month trips to Seattle, but in reality I will only get to see her on breaks and that breaks my heart. I love her to death! I've already had one best friend move to Ohio and then come back and never speak to me, I won't let it happen again. I would die without her.
I have quite a dilemma in the guy department. There is this guy I like, who is ever so sweet and I believe likes me too, and I have asked some of my friends and his friends they're opinions. They all seem to agree he likes me as well, but he never says a word about it! I am beginning to pick up on my friends' old-fashioned beliefs that the guy needs to ask the girl out, so I say nothing. It tortures me inside! I would love to just run to him and scream "I love you!", but I know that would most likely jeopardize our friendship. I am not a patient person.
My parents are ruining my life. Literally. They are almost divorced, (unless they are and haven't told me) but they still insist on yelling over the phone about stupid issues, usually who owes who money. I would love to slap some sense into their heads! I often need people to talk to a bout thus, but half of the time I can't even call Leanne, and Lindsay is increasingly busier and busier. I've tried praying, but I feel like a hypocrite because honestly I blame God for ruining my life, when deep down I know He isn't. What to do? Sit back and let it all play out I guess.
On the topic of my parents, I have become increasingly more depressed/bi-polar (not sure which) lately. I think I am starting to seriously scare Leanne, which hurts me deeply. I have considered going to mom about it, and getting it checked out, but my worry is she will brush it off like the other times I tried to tell them. I really think being put on meds would help wonders, and I would probably start sleeping better as well. What do you think? I appreciate all advice on this matter.
You know what my two favorite parts of summer are? Drive-in parties, and reading! For drive-in parties we have so much fun, and for reading I'm constantly checking out books from both the Dallas Public Library and the church library. I'm hoping these two things will help me to focus less on my problems, and more on just having fun. : )
Thanks for reading about my ranting, and I look forward to your comments!
Dearest Ariel,
ReplyDeleteI may not completely know what you are going through, but I want you to know that I understand, and used to feel kinda the same way. I thought I was bi-polar or depressed a lot of last year, and to be honest I am not sure if I am depressed. I know it doesn't seem like I am, but I have my days. If you have the courage to talk to your mom, I think that would definitely be a good thing. I understand parents fighting, and wanting to tell them to stop. You can always call me or text me and I should reply, if you feel comfortable talking to me about issues with your parents. I bet it's hard being without Leanne, even for a week, and Lindsay does seem busier. I will try and be avaliable to you as a listener and friend. :) Hope you feel better, and praying is good, even if you feel like a hypocrit, because atleast you are talking to God.
Ariel -
ReplyDeleteSometimes I want to slap your parents too. Believe me. Anyway, don't blame God for what happened, it just makes your relationship with him strained and seperates yyou from Him. One thing I know is that when I'm not right in my relationship with God or I'm mad at him, I feel miserable. Even though you may be mad at God, He still loves you and wants to talk to you through prayer, so go talk to him! Praying always helps, because no matter wahat, God will always be there to listen and He is the closest friend you could ever have, He knows about everything that's going on your life and wants to help. things will happen in life, but God is always there and desperately wants you to come to Him. You m,ay not always feel it, but but He really wants you to be close to him. He loves you and died for you, what more could you do but give God your life, your worries, your all? I sincerely hope and pray that you will not only read this, but know it, feel it, believe it and live it. i really do care about you Ariel and I don't want toyur life to be miserable, i want it to be happy and so much better than it is now. I love you Ariel, but to tell you the truth, sometimes youer blog makes me depressed too (not for real, but still). That shows you that I feel along with you sometimes and that I really do want you to be happy. I know this is long, but it is very important. Yes, I do think meds would help you alot, when I started taking meds, they helped me alot too. Always strive to follow god, cling to Him, and no one else.
Love ya, Rachel