The ABCs of Me

Hi everyone! For today, I thought I would share a fun post idea I found off of Coffee With Kara's blog. I do work at a daycare, so I feel like I'm always talking about the ABCs anyway! Time to share some random and fun facts about yours truly.

A. Age: I'm 24, and I'll be turning 25 at the end of February!

B. Best day ever: Definitely October 24th, 2015. I married the love of my life. <3 p="">

C. Chore you hate: DOING THE DISHES. I would rather clean the toilet with a sponge than wash the dishes.

D. Drink of choice: It depends on if I want something warm or cold. For something warm, either coffee or apple cider. For cold, definitely eggnog!

E. Easiest person to talk to: Probably my best friend Leanne. I can tell her anything, and I know she won't judge me.

F. Favorite color: Pink!

G. Gent: This goofy guy. (Minus his current beard!)

H. Hobby: Currently blogging or reading.

I. Ice cream flavor of choice: Chocolate chip cookie dough!

J. Job: Right now, I work for a daycare called Lil' Red Barn Academy. But February 1st I'll be a cast member again, working at Disney World!

K. Kindest person you know: I know too many kind people to choose just one! That list could go on forever.

L. Loving: My new desk set-up that Nick whipped up for me! It makes blogging so much easier now.

M. Music: Currently playing Avalon's Christmas channel on Pandora.

N. Nickname: I don't really have one, unless you count Nick calling me baby girl.

O. One wish: To find the perfect place for us to settle down together and start our family.

P. Person you talked to on the phone last: Jerry, Nick's dad.

Q. Question you’re always asked: "Do you know where you will be working in Disney World?" No, no I don't. I do know that it will be magical and beautiful.

R. Reason to smile: God and his never ending grace,

S. Season of choice: Summer. It's too cold right now!

T. Time you woke up: I woke up around 6am, but went back to bed until about 9:45.

U. University: No more for me!

V. Vacation destination: PARIS. It's my number one vacation goal.

W. Worst habit: Biting my nails.

X. X-Rays: I don't think I've gotten any, except for dental x-rays. I've had CT scans though!

Y. Your favorite food: Does chocolate count? I think it counts.

Z. Zoo Animal: Any cats, but specifically clouded leopards.

Did you learn anything new or interesting about me?

Making a Plan: Bringing God Back to Number One

Hi everyone! I'm back after a week-long break. I spent some time in deep thought and reevaluation of the priorities in my life, and on my blog. It has been a rough couple of weeks because of my depression, and as a result, my faith in God has severely fallen to the wayside.

My struggles with depression are not new. I've dealt with it in some form since early high school. However, these last couple of months have been the worst bout of depression I've ever had to deal with. Two of my most severe symptoms are wanting to sleep all the time, and having no interest in things I used to love.

Because I've been losing so much interest in hobbies and passions, my Bible reading and prayer has also been affected. I haven't done my daily bible reading for almost three weeks now. For a Christian, that's basically spiritual suicide. I'm feeling the affects of that spiritual suicide every day.

Not having a full relationship with God is affecting everything in life for me. I feel like simple problems that I could normally handle are getting blown out of proportion and taking over my life. It's become nearly impossible for me to even do simple tasks without becoming overwhelmed.

I hate that I've gotten to this point. I hate that I've let a monster like depression take over my life and basically ruin it for me. It has to stop. It will stop - now.

It's time to make a plan. I'm asking all of my readers to keep me accountable, alongside the people I see and live with every day. It's easy for me to make this plan, but it's hard to stick to it.

1. Read a chapter of Psalms every day

Psalms is so refreshing to read! There are so many reminders of how God cares for us even in that book alone. Reading it daily will refocus my mind on why God should be number one and how I can continue to see Him that way.

2. Pray as soon as I wake up, and before going to bed

I hope to pray more than this throughout the day, but starting with these two times will help to focus my mind into a more continuous conversation with God, rather than a forced assignment.

3. Spend a few minutes before bed talking with Nick each day about any doubts or problems I have

I don't voice my emotions and concerns as much as I should. I'm hoping this will encourage me to not bottle things up nearly as much.

These three goals are simple, but I know over time they will have huge positive results. I plan on including these goals in my monthly goal recaps as well, so within a few weeks I may some some progress to share with all of you!

Do you have any other suggestions for me? Do you have any specific verses that may help me?

It's Happened

The one thing I have been avoiding has happened.

...I've officially been diagnosed with depression.

It sounds funny. It shouldn't be a big deal.

But it is.

I don't want to be labeled.

I know, I know.

"Depression isn't a label!" It doesn't define you." "You're so much more than that!"

I've spent half of my life fighting this; trying to convince myself this isn't who I am. But now it's clear it's entirely who I am.

I'm going to try and come to terms with this diagnosis. I'm going to have to, after all. It's not going away anytime soon.

A day later, I'm doing better. I'm less shell-shocked than I was. After all, I went in just to talk about counseling; I wasn't expecting to leave with a diagnosis. However, I'm realizing that this isn't just who I am. I am more than this. I can get through this, with my own strength, God's strength, and the support of my friends and family. I will not let this define me.

So what now?

My doctor has a referral in for counseling, hopefully in the next couple of weeks since my cutting is still an issue. She also ordered some labs centered around my fatigue to see if it is from the depression or if it's something else, such as a lack of some nutrient.

I will still live my life. I will still push on. And I will get better. Day by day.