I was doing so great there for awhile.... Then all this happened.
I am not one for change. AT ALL. I love my friends, and I need them to be there for me. That is just who I am. So to be treated like I am not missed.... It hurts. It's not a painful hurt though, just a sad hurt. Like I know it'll never be the same again.
And now.... I realize I am the only one who is not really changing. My friends are all leaving and becoming who they are supposed to be.... While I'm stuck here wondering what my purpose in life is. Maybe Cameron is right; maybe I need to go to Ecola. Maybe a year away from the stress of life will be good for me. Maybe I just need time to adjust. I don't know.
I do know that I miss the way things were. I miss my old friends.... Finding them again and not being able to sit down and find out what went wrong is heartbreaking. Don't get me wrong, I lost them for a reason. But it still hurts.
I just feel like everyone is growing up so fast..... And I'm being left behind....
I also am dealing with a situation that it is nice to be a part of again..... But I am afraid of how things will turn out because I don't want to lose friends over it.
Why does life have to hit you with so much? I know I need to change but I already have so much.....
I am not fond of change.
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Ariel~
ReplyDeleteEveryone hates change. I don't like change. It takes time to adjust, but while that happens, just enjoy life. Enjoy the moments you have, the days you have. That's what's important. And lean on God. At first, when we left high school youth group, I missed it so much and longed to be back there again. But I've accepted the change. I still want to be friwnds with people from high school, but I've moved on from the youth group thing, because I realize that the way things have changed is okay, and the people in high school, should enjoy being in high school, and I'm in college, so I should enjoy being in college. It's not that I don't miss my high school days and youth group days, it's just that I've come to realize that it's okay that I'm not in youth group anymore. I feel awkward going back, like when we stayed until youth group started last week. And I think that's how we're supposed to feel and it's okay. I hope you come to the same realizations that I have, but I know that everyone is different, and it may take more time for you than it has for me. And that's okay. I love you Ariel and so does God, lean on Him in everything. :)
~Rachel
I'm sorry. I'm at school so I sometimes forget about the world outside. Yep, the "Corban Bubble". I'm really glad you are not thinking too strongly about going to Chemeketa again next year, because you really need something different. Even though you don't like change, I think some would really help you. <3
ReplyDeleteAriel-
ReplyDeleteYou know, as much as I kind of like to think of myself as a chaotic and ever-changing person, I'm really very static. I stay the same. And like you, I don't handle change very well.
In the past few years, I've gone through a lot of changes. My parents got divorced and each one remarried. My brothers moved out, and one joined the military while the other has a son. I got a new baby brother. My sister hit puberty. And I graduated high school and moved on to college.
All of these things happened very quickly, and I had no way to prepare for them. Except college, I just got lazy there. Anyway, I Can udnerstand a lot of what you are going through.
Last summer, when I was at the peak of stress, I flirted a little with two different ideas to get away from it all. The first was a college in San Francisco, which I (obviously) ended up not going to, mainly because of money. The second was joing the Navy, which (again, obviously) also didn't happen. In the end, both plans failed and only added more stress to my plate.
I suspect you might have similar motivations for considering Ecola. Now, I'll say right away that I don't know much about it, or for sure that that is why you are thinking about it. But if that is why, I gravely warn against it. When you're unsure of your situation, the last thing you want to do is throw yourself into a place that you know even less about.
I would suggest you take things slow. I realize you can't really do much about your college workload at the moment, but not everybody has the need (or the ability) to move through life at the breakneck speed that everybody is encouraging.
Take it easy. Take some deep breaths. Relax and think things through.
I'll be here if you ever need to talk :)
-Will
Ah, change. As much as I would like to tell you that things will go back to the way they were and that you won't have to deal with anymore of it, I simply can't. The truth is, no one can, because, as you know, change is altogether inevitable. However, on the brighter side of things, change can bring you such new and wonderful things you'll be glad it happened. And although the good will not come without struggles along the way, God has some marvelous things in store for your future, guaranteed. The best advice we can give you is simply to embrace it as is and to let God drive you. His plan is always the best choice. I know it's hard, especially at first, but these things will smooth out eventually as you discover more of who you are and what the Lord has to offer you. We're all here to support you as needed :)
ReplyDeleteI also agree with Lindsay in that I think you'll really enjoy a true college experience once you get there. I wish you the best of luck in your search :) I know you'll make a good decision.
With lots of love, Leanne
We all like things to be constant and dependable, but life isn't like that. We can only control how we deal with the circumstances around us. We should embrace the challenges life sends our way, because if we are in God's will, He will be guiding us through those changing times. You are not "losing" friends, but friendships do change over time and that is the way it is supposed to be.
ReplyDeleteI have thought for a long time that it would be good for you to learn who you are as an individual and not define yourself in relation to others. Ecola would be a good place for that. If God is nudging you to go there, then listen to Him. He knows the future and wants what is best for you.