It's Happened

The one thing I have been avoiding has happened.

...I've officially been diagnosed with depression.

It sounds funny. It shouldn't be a big deal.

But it is.

I don't want to be labeled.

I know, I know.

"Depression isn't a label!" It doesn't define you." "You're so much more than that!"

I've spent half of my life fighting this; trying to convince myself this isn't who I am. But now it's clear it's entirely who I am.

I'm going to try and come to terms with this diagnosis. I'm going to have to, after all. It's not going away anytime soon.

A day later, I'm doing better. I'm less shell-shocked than I was. After all, I went in just to talk about counseling; I wasn't expecting to leave with a diagnosis. However, I'm realizing that this isn't just who I am. I am more than this. I can get through this, with my own strength, God's strength, and the support of my friends and family. I will not let this define me.

So what now?

My doctor has a referral in for counseling, hopefully in the next couple of weeks since my cutting is still an issue. She also ordered some labs centered around my fatigue to see if it is from the depression or if it's something else, such as a lack of some nutrient.

I will still live my life. I will still push on. And I will get better. Day by day.

Reminicing

I went back and from some of my old blogs from 2009. Oh, the memories.

That was a really hard year for me. I have absolutely no desire to repeat. My emotions were on the worst roller coaster of my life, and I was being hit with one things after another. I was miserable.

So much has changed since then. Not only have a I gotten older, but I would like to think I've gotten more mature as well. And many of my friends have done the same.

I've done some crazy things these last 5 years; things I would never have imagined I would get to do. I don't regret any of them.

I am who I am because of everything that has happened these past 5 years, started with everything in 2009. They have shaped me into who I am today, and I wouldn't change any of it.

Sick Day

So, I'm sick. And it kind of sucks.

I had felt a little queasy last night while shopping with friends, but I wasn't too worried. Usually if I am really full and stand for too long I feel queasy. Once I sat down for awhile however, I felt fine. Well I woke up again this morning feeling sick. I figured it was just nerves, because I was supposed to work today and I get nervous when I go to work for some reason. But about 15 min before I actually needed to start getting ready, I threw up. Bleh.

So I'm spending the day at home. My brother has a report to write for his 4-H meeting tonight, so I'll be helping him with that, cleaning up my room again, since it got rearranged a little when my grandma went through my books, and watching tv shows I'm behind on. And possibly a little laundry. At least that I can do sitting down!

Also, my family was supposed to go up to Vancouver from the 1st through the 5th for a drum line reunion the 1st and 2nd for my mom, and then be up there for the 4th. That meant I got to see the boyfriend as soon as he got back from his cruise. Now we're not going to her reunion, so we're going up the 3rd. As much as I wanted to see him when he got back, this means I get to go to a welcome back/goodbye for the summer party on Saturday for my little choir sis that I haven't seen for almost a year, and a scrap-booking and possibly movie party with my friends on Friday. Hopefully I won't still be sick, and it was just something I ate!

Hope everyone else is healthy :)