The Meaning of Ariel

I've decided I need to start blogging at least three times a week. While that total will be cumulative between this blog and my book blog, I want to really focus on this blog. I enjoy writing and blogging, and since I've been going through a really rough and emotional patch lately in life, I need something to help ease that.

A blog I follow, Mama Kat's Losing It, I followed way back when I was a part of a blogging group. (I don't even remember its name, it has been that long.) I loved that she shows her honesty through a touch of sarcasm and humor, and I never stopped reading. She does weekly and monthly blogging and blogging prompts, so most of my posts for awhile will come from her.

November Writing Prompt Day 3: The meaning of your name... does it suit you?

According to Behind the Name, Ariel means "lion of God". It is referenced in the Bible a few times, once as another name for Jerusalem in Isaiah 29:1-8 (Wikipedia), and once as a helper to Ezra in Ezra 8:16 (Bible Study Tools).

My parents did not raise me as a Christian; I came into my faith through my friends. I attended their church youth group and AWANA through middle school, and then began going to Sunday morning services with them as well. However, I was not saved until high school, through some greed and ignorance on my part.

Where am I going with this, you may ask. While my parents did not raise me as a Christian, this does not mean they are not spiritual people. While we may not agree on beliefs, they have always supporting me, and I appreciate the way I was raised. I feel that I have a different view of Christianity than many other Christians, simply because I was not raised as one from a young age.

Because of my family, for many years I loathed the meaning of my name. I felt it was meant for someone else; I did not feel like I could be a strong warrior, or a lion for God's name. For many years I wished I had various other names.

As I entered my college years and spent a short time at George Fox University, a private Christian college, I became stronger in my faith as I explored it for myself, instead of "riding on the coattails" of my friends. During this time I doubted many times, but I never completely lost my faith in God. Deep down, I knew He was there for me, even if I couldn't see it.

Those years greatly influenced who I am today. Don't get me wrong, I still have hard times. However, I remember what I have accomplished, and realize that I do embody my name. Even if I am not a strong warrior or a fighter on the outside, I am constantly standing firm on the inside, a strong lion for God.

Reminicing

I went back and from some of my old blogs from 2009. Oh, the memories.

That was a really hard year for me. I have absolutely no desire to repeat. My emotions were on the worst roller coaster of my life, and I was being hit with one things after another. I was miserable.

So much has changed since then. Not only have a I gotten older, but I would like to think I've gotten more mature as well. And many of my friends have done the same.

I've done some crazy things these last 5 years; things I would never have imagined I would get to do. I don't regret any of them.

I am who I am because of everything that has happened these past 5 years, started with everything in 2009. They have shaped me into who I am today, and I wouldn't change any of it.

Testimony

I don't have the most glamorous testimony. I often don't like to share it because of how unique it is.

Because of certain incidents, I spent a majority of my childhood believing I was saved, when I was not and I fooled everyone, including myself, into believing I was. When I finally realized I wasn't, I was already in high school. I've only really been saved for about five years.

Five years isn't a long time, so it makes sense that I'm not as strong of a Christian as I would like to be. But because I spent so long thinking I was saved, sometimes it is frustrating that I'm not where I would like to be in my walk. It's a daily struggle to accept who I am.

This post isn't much like my usual posts, I know. I just had this one my mind and wanted to give you guys a little bit of insight into who I am.

Thoughts...

I know I haven't written anything in awhile, and this post is super written, but I needed to write out my feelings.

I was listening to this song today, and I started to really think about the lyrics.

Who am I that You would come and die?
I don't understand
Why the God of all the universe
Would become a man

Seriously... why? I'm nothing but a screw-up... so why? I'm not even worth it. I know You think so, but I really question it. Everything I've been through has made me who I am. I've been pushed around and put down and used by others and have learned that that's okay. I've spent my life trying to get out of that mindset and I never fully have. I know it will take many more years.

But I still don't understand why You would love me. Out of all the people on this Earth... why me?

Like I said... random post and I'm just venting. Sorry I haven't been posting... I'll try and be better.

Great Sunday turned sad...

For those who are my Facebook friends, you probably saw that just an hour or so ago I posted that today was a perfect Sunday. I went on to read all my blogs, and discovered that the author one of my most inspirational ones passed away last night.

To most people, this would seem sad, but not such a big deal. To me, it's a huge deal.

Yeah, she was just a blogger and I never even met her, but her story was, is, so inspirational! She went through so much physical and emotional pain, and yet she still trusted that God was taking care of her. It just amazes me how someone can have that kind of faith, the kind where they don't even question God for a second.

But I know that people will continue to come across her blog and read her amazing life, and she will continue to touch people's lives.

Sara was an inspiration to me in her life, and I know she will continue to be in her death. Please go and read her amazing story, she truly deserves to have it read.

Memories...

I started going through all of my old Facebook photos, deciding whether or not to keep them or delete them. I have WAY too many, but on top of that my mom found a bunch of my photos on her laptop that I have to transfer, and I might need to upload them :P

Going through the last few years however, I realized just how much I have grown. I’ve gone through so many hairstyles and colors, on a bunch of trips, and met a bunch of new friends.

I am so blessed to be where I am today. I know I haven’t learned everything I need to know in life, but I also know that God will make sure I do. My life is far from over :)

I can’t wait to see what is in store for me in the next few years!

And I knowwww that I haven't updated this blog in almost a month! I'm so so sorry :( Life has been CRAZY. I will try and be better! Hope everyone is having a great summer!